Pacific Times Magazine

Pacific Humor

Infomercial DVDs
Sexiest Feet
Technologies 4 Sale
Mental Telepathy
Twitter Apps
2nd American Revolution
Royal Wedding
Language Network
Chamori Horoscope
Children of the World
Letters VOP
Pen Pals
Chamori Lunch Platters
Pacific Humor
Book Review
Subliminal Messages

name: Jonas Liilii
Joke: A friend fm New Hampshire called me the other day and mentioned that they were just getting over 2 feet of snow and a storm.
I apologized and said:  "Thank god, I live Hawaii."
He replied:    Screw you, buddy.

name: Sarah Dacanai
Hawaiian men have sex almost everyday...
Almost on Monday, Almost on Tuesday, Almost on Wednesday, Almost on Thursday...Almost Everyday.....

name: Jesus Finona
Bumper Sticker in Honolulu, Hawaii read...
Fifty years old is Young, ONLY if U R a tree.

name: Daniel Cruz
Bumper Sticker in Tyler, Texas read...
NOTICE:  Driver carries No Cash. He is Married.

name: Josefina Jesus
Joke: The question is SEX and the Answer is "YES". Not the other way around.

name: JoJo Martinez
Tun Jose: I was wondering about Liberation Day for Guahan.
Tun Pedro: What is it, Jose? Don't you believe the Marines saved our people from the Japanese"
Tun Jose:  No way man. I am still questioning whether they save us because they left all those unexploded bombs everywhere. Here we are nearly 70-years later and those unexploded bombs are still around.

name: JoJo Martinez
Joke: Visited the FHB in Kailua to cash my payroll check. A cute Hawaiian Hottie was working the Teller line. Wanting to be friendly, I asked her: "Do you know what the word SEX is in Hawaiian?" She said "No! Do you?" she quibbled. I said "Of course. The word for SEX is MAHALO". She thought real hard and came back, "NO, MAHALO means THANK YOU." I eyed her pleasingly and replied, "You are more than WELCOMED."

Name:: Joe Blas, Windward Hills, Yona, Guahan
Joke:: Property next to Dandan Landfill at Inalahan was up for sale.  Tun Juan is the rightful owner of the five acres of this property and was asked by the Mayor of Inalahan to be at the site where an interested serious buyer from Japan wants to purchase the property.  With the Japanese businessman were his two legal counsels...Tun Juan was by himself because he told the entourage that he (Tun Juan) completed high school and he knows how to negotiate with big corporate people.  The Japanese businessman looks Tun Juan straight in the eye and made the offer of $725,000.00 United States dollars... Tun Juan shook his head indicating a "No"...the Japanese businessman turned around and consulted his a few minutes...the Japanese businessman again looks Tun Juan in the eyes and says "I offer $850,000.00 in United States dollars"...Tun Juan without hesitation replied "Don't insult my intelligence and better yet, don't waste my time" the Japanese man turned around again and again consulted his two lawyers...this time one of the lawyers approached Tun Juan and said "We are making a final offer... the final offer is half a million dollars"..."sold" said Tun Juan.

Name:: Joe Blas, Windward Hills, Yona, Guahan
Joke:: Pedro and Juan were at a company party at Ypao Beach.  Pedro calls his wife for assistance...Honey, bring me and my amigo a drink please...Sugar Pea, please get me a plate of kelaguen...Sweetheart...will you turn up the volume of the music...Peaches, get me that coconut cream pie you made, it's so delicious...cream puff, while you're at the bar, bring over a couple of drinks please.  Juan was very impressed how Pedro addresses his wife... and asked..."Pedro..I know that you've been married for twenty-five years...and, and you are so intimate when you call your wife...and she loves it; you get whatever you want..." Pedro pauses for a few seconds and replied "Juan...don't tell my wife this...but I forgot her name...

Name:: Dave Martinez
email: San Diego
Joke:: "A blind Chamori man came to the Village in
Hagta for lunch. He stopped at the first booth
and told the shop owner, "My name is Mori and
I am Chamori. I am blind so I cannot read your special
food menu. Please dip a spoon in your special sauce
and let me taste it." The shop owner went back to the
kitchen and dipped a spoon into the special dish pot.
Came back and allowed the man to taste it. The blind
man proudly thanked him and said, "Yum! Yum! Yum!
That's good. I love Chop Steak so I will order one."
The owner politely complied. A week went by and the same blind
Chamori returned. Again he stated, "Hfa Adai!
I am Mori the Chamori and I want to order your special.
But first I must taste the food." Once more,
the owner went to the kitchen and dipped a spoon into the
special dish pot. He came back and offered it to the man.
Mori the Chamori said, "Ai na minannge'! I will order
one Tinaktak." The owner was intriqued but complied.
The following week, the blind man returned. Again he told of his
condition and again asked to taste the food special. The owner
was amazed at how he identified his special cooking so
he wanted to test the man. He went back to the kitchen
where he told his wife Maria to rub the spoon between
her legs. He came back with the spoon and gave it to the man.
Mori the Chamori took the spoon and licked it, not once but
several times. Then he proudly proclaimed, "Paire! Mnnge'
Maghet! Paire! Uuuummm! So Maria works here, huh?"

Name:: Joseph Mantanona
email: Talafofo, Guahan
Joke:: A Woman is an ANGEL at 10; a SAINT at 15; a DEVIL at 40; and surely a WITCH at 50.

Name:: Eric Orinion


Joke:: One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Karen promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Karen's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Karen the news she said, "Karen, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to respond rationally to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Karen replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"


Name:: Eric Orinion

email: Kailua, Hawaii

Joke:: Three boys, sixth graders from Kaimuki Middle School were out on the grounds playing soccer. Johnny told his friends he needed to make wee-wee so he went behind a building and unzipped his pants. His friends did the same. Tony the Filipino boy stated, "Johnny, your wee-wee is big." Daniel, the Hawaiian boy echoed the same. "Yeah Johnny, your wee-wee is huge. How come?" Johnny answered. "I don't know." Tony the Filipino boy quibbed, "Maybe it is because you are Portegee." Johnny remarked. "Maybe, yeah Maybe. I will ask my mom when I get home." Later that evening, Johnny asked his mom. "Mom the boys were making fun of me because my wee-wee is huge. Is it because I am Portegee?" His mother reflected, "Johnny, your wee-wee is bigger than the other kids in school...Not because you are Portegee. It is because you are 25 years old."

Name:: Janice Ramos

email: Kailua, Oahu

Joke:: I have a Pinoy friend named Sammy and he is a REAL DOG LOVER. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Name:: Cory Aiu

email: Hilo, Big Island

Joke:: You might be Hawaiian if your last name has three letters and they are all VOWELS.

Name:: Joe Blas, Windward Hills, Yona, Guahan


Joke:: Dog For Sale:

Juan was passing through Yoa and noticed a sign in the  yard..."Talking Dog For Sale"...Juan was kinda he got down from his pick-up truck and inquired with the dog's owner. Juan asked the owner if it's true that this dog can talk...the owner stated "ask the dog yourself" Juan walked over to the dog that was laying down under a shaded tree...Juan questioned the dog "are you the talking dog?" The dog replied yes; wow says Juan...then why are you here in Yoa? The dog told his story..."I was working for the CIA for ten years, then hired to be the guard dog for the governor and traveled the world tired doing that...then moved here to Yoa, settled down, got hooked up with a beautiful Yoa chamoridog and had six I'm retired and that's my story"... Juan still stunned, questioned the owner...excuse me, sir...that's a beautiful story your dog much are you asking for him..."ten dollars", Juan...again stunned...why ten can get rich immediately...the owner says...did my dog tell you his story...well....he's a liar, he didn't do any of that stuff.

Name:: Joe Blas


Joke:: A week after Super-Typhoon Paka, Tun Juan from Yoa was visited by Tex, a FEMA inspector: To investigate the damage done to Tun Juan's banana plantation. To qualify the damage, Tex asked Tun Juan the size of his farm. Tun Juan visually showed Tex that it's from this banana tree to that mango tree about one half mile down the river. Tex said "I'm from Texas and at my ranch at Rio Grand... I'll take my car and ride at sun rise from the start of my property and will not get to the end of my property until sun set...Tun Juan without hesitation said "I feel sorry for you, I used to have a car like that"...

Name:: Joaquin Sablan of Sinahaa, Guahan

email: Sinahaa, Guahan

Joke:: Tun Ramon Salas of Malesso' was arrested and charged with Sexual Assault. At his trial, Judge Lamorena asked him: "Tun Ramon, please explain to the court why you pleaded Not Guilty to the charge?" The old man took the stand and declared. "Your Honor. My name is Ramon Salas of Malesso' and I am NOT GUILTY. I am 87-years old and I am suffering from a disease called: 'Chetnot Manman'." The judge motioned for him to explain. The old man continued, "Your Honor. Chetnot Manman is an old age sickness. The judge egged him on: I have never heard of such a disease. The old man added, Your Honor. Chetnot Manman is when a man thinks he can dunk the basketball like Kobe Bryant but he can't jump. Chetnot Manman is when a man thinks he can run the mile in 3-minutes yet he can barely walk. Chetnot Manman is when the mind is fired-up but the body is NOT."

Send us your jokes.

Email address:
Your Joke:

Wholly owned subsidiary of PUGUA' International Corporation  Honolulu, Hawaii
rwbbar.gif (3166 bytes)
"Dedicated to the cultures, languages and traditions of the people of the Pacific."

Site Meter
Pugua' International Corporation
1050 Bishop Street, Suite 200
Honolulu, Hawaii USA 96813
Telephone (303) 219-6523
Cellular: (808) 275-6661